Acceptance..

Acceptance…. That’s what we all want in the end. Some want money, some fame, some that elusive thing called love. I’m still trying to find what I want. As my mom once told me when I was younger, “decide what you want”. Something that I’m discovering is much harder for some.. how can we we find out what we want if we’re all constantly fucking lost. So lost that we have forgotten who or what we are or to be. I don’t know anymore.. I kind of lost my way. And I’m trying to find it again. Some say I’ve lost faith.. in a way, I kind of have.. lost faith in all the religions of the world. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe or at least I want to believe in the higher power above and all around us. I see a little bit of truth in all of the religious organizations out there in todays society. Even the stories that get told and passed down from one to another, whether they be fiction or not. Who’s to say that something is not real just because they themselves did not see it or feel it.. or anything like that. And like one of my favorite authors/ characters said, “just because something happens in your head, doesn’t make it any less real than you or me” or something like that.

The music plays in the background.. I can hear it now. A soothing melody as I drift in and out of consciousness. “loving you”, one of the lyrics that keeps repeating as I walk down along the path of good and evil. “I can see the light, I can see the light” another piece that is added as I keep walking. I know this might seem crazy.. but for some strange reason I’m not scared. Visions of stories and characters come and go, passing through with the breeze. Some are the infamous demons and devils that one might dream or watch on the big screen. Yet they too just float on by looking over as they pass. The light is getting brighter. I feel a few chill bumps along my arms. A faint smile comes across my face as I am anxious to meet who or what is on the other realm that I am transgressing into.. I stop in my tracks, turn back and look down the path I came. All the characters and so called monsters and devils that passed by are just looking up at me. Its like they want me to enter into the next..

Silence now.. silence is all around. I turn back around to embrace the light as it engulfs me entirely. What is this? Where am I? its nothing but a blanket of white nothing all around. I hear echoes.. “Hello..” I’m still standing/ floating. Oh god.. what was that?? A face just appeard in mid air. Theyre all around popping in and out everywhere. I look below me, its like im standing on a mirror or a crystal clear lake of some sort. I see my reflection standing looking down at me or up which ever you like to picture it. and with one swift motion the mirror or reflection grabbed my legs and pulled me down. its like im drowning but in what I do not know.. I try to shake or kick but the harder I fight or struggle, the tighter my reflections grip gets and pulls harder. I finally cease to fight back.. I allow the reflection or whatever it is that has ahold of me to pull me to whatever place I seem to be falling or drifting into. As I am being pulled, I look up and see the white light or nothingness start to get smaller and smaller. Darkness is replacing the white blank nothing and now I’m or I feel as if im blind. Even though I cant see my other parts of myself, I still feel them. Hell, I still feel the grip of what ever has a hold on me still. Well.. not anymore. Whatever was holding me is now just released and Im floating, trying to find anything to grab hold of to gain footing again. I look up and the white blank of nothing is but a small circle. And from the looks of it, it’s quite a ways away above. I try to float or swim back up but no matter how hard I try, it doesn’t seem to get any closer… what is this place? “Hello…. Jesus… God.. someone please!!!” the chill bumps still come over me, crawling up my arms, the back of my neck..

Then out of nowhere, I hear chains across the floor. And with one fluid motion, I a metal chain locks onto my ankle. I pull and pull but its not budging. I try to go to the source and find where the chain is coming from but it seems to be endless. “what the fuck is this!!?”

Tsk Tsk Tsk… “who said that?” I turn around and around but all I can see is darkness..until…

Two pairs of eyes I see looking straight at me in the distance. Red eyes and their gaze is ever strong and unblinking.

“Reveal yourself demon.. let me go!” the chill bumps are still all around my skin and my adrenaline is peaking.

I stare right back into those red lifeless eyes.. trying to will them to do something or reveal what the hell is going on. They just stare back and yet, I feel something strangely familiar as I look deeper into the red pools of each pupil.

As I gaze deeper into each blood shot eye, I don’t notice the last of the white nothing above completely vanishing. I surrender fully to the darkness all around. In chains I feel cupped along my ankles and wrists. I float in dark nothingness now totally surrendered to the mystical powers that are at work here. The dark red eyes are now gone… but now.. are in me.. forever an ever there they’ll be…